The Marriage Crisis
Last week, I was chatting with a friend and she told me all about the Egyptian Carrie Bradshaw…yea, you read that right. 
So naturally I had to check her out. Who was this lady and what in the world was she doing to get so much attention?
Her name is Ghada Abdul-Aal and she started blogging about the customs of Egyptian matchmaking.
Those customs come from the belief that a person’s life only has worth once they are married and in the process of starting a family. Remember in my intro blog entry? Go ahead, take a moment to refresh your memory. Our cultures make us believe that we are not complete until we have a husband or wife.
Ms. Abdul-Aal takes a humorous view on the ‘marriage crisis’ that is in full play in the Middle East. This so-called crisis is that more and more individuals are taking their time getting married due to financial concerns. In my culture, before a man can propose to a woman, or rather approach her family for her hand, he should have a fully furnished place to live. In the Middle East, housing isn’t as readily available and affordable like it is in the USA. Not only that, but throwing a wedding costs money…which I think is a reality no matter where we live. Due to the current state of the global economy, unemployment overseas of young adults is at its highest which is the catalyst for the slowdown of marriages. Abdul-Aal shares in an article by NPR.org that unemployment for college graduates in Egypt is at 25%, which explains to me why some of my cousins back home have been having a difficult time finding jobs at this time. I know this may seem like no big deal, but this means that the average age of marriage in Egypt is on the rise and that goes against the cultural norms and beliefs.
This got me thinking about how this ‘crisis’ isn’t just a problem overseas, but also right here in the good old United States. For first-generation-immigrant children, the reason for our average marriage age rising may not be due to the economy and financial problems, it still seems to be a concern. I know many women who are getting closer to the big 3-0 (and some who’ve passed it) who are not yet married. Why do I point out women specifically? Because of the negative beliefs that come with this in our cultures. Ms. Abdul-Aal put it excellently, “Thirty is the death sentence for single women. When you are 30, it’s like you have this big label of, like, failure, or pathetic or ugly.” Of course I think this belief is absolutely RIDICULOUS, but such ideas from our cultures and our parents can easily be transferred to us. I know many amazing women who have begun to believe this, which saddens me greatly because whether or not we are married shouldn’t define our worth. But this blog entry isn’t really about that, so let’s not dwell.
I wanted to point out the awesomeness (sure that’s a word) of Ghada Abdul-Aal for not allowing the culture’s beliefs to define her or her worth. She is showing what a confident woman should be and has managed to say no to her unsuitable suitors, even though she is 31 years old. For all you who know these cultures, you understand the magnitude of this woman to be in Egypt, single, and sharing it with the world despite the pressures of her family! She said beautifully, “It’s controlling us. They are pushing us to take wrong choices. And I feel we are obligated to humiliate ourselves to obey all the rules of the society.” Is anyone else thinking WOW??? I am. I wish that we can all learn from this great example and not succumb to the pressures or beliefs of our cultures.
Ms. Abdul-Aal is not the only one overseas who is trying to bring to light the crisis isn’t really a crisis and that the matchmaking ways are a problem. Check out this article further: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=129253493. It’s creating a new era and it’s creating new views that are being taught to the young women in Egypt, which means it will be a matter of time before those young women will spread those views and things can begin to change. This is what excited me most…but it got me thinking further about those of us who have this problem right here in the States. Our parents aren’t getting exposed to the reasons for the crisis back home and our young women aren’t getting educated on how absurd the old-school beliefs really are. Instead, we are stuck between the American belief that marriage doesn’t define us and our parents/cultures beliefs that marriage completes us. So if they are slowing becoming more enlightened overseas, maybe there is hope for change here?!
For those of you who read Arabic, check out this awesome blog: http://wanna-b-a-bride.blogspot.com/. And for those who don’t read Arabic, wait for the book in English.
Did you read how this is actually a show now? I really want to see it.