Control
This weekend, the hot topic around me was the issue of control. We as humans, some more than others, seem to have this innate need to control every aspect of our lives. That’s what we’re taught at a young age though, right? Think about it. Growing up, didn’t your parents and teachers tell you that you controlled your own destiny? That you had the power to control what you wanted to be and where you wanted to go? In some sense, this is great advice for kids because we learn to believe in ourselves and it helps us work to achieve dreams.
In another sense, I wonder how harmful it can be. I speak from personal experience when I say that the issue of control can bleed into areas of one’s life that one truly has no control over. I easily allow the control mentality to take over parts of my life then I find myself so frustrated and overwhelmed when things don’t go exactly as I planned them.
Let’s look at examples of my own personal battles to control things around me:
#1. I planned out each class I would take each semester in undergrad my freshman year. Reality was that if a class was full before I got to enroll, there was no way I could bump someone out of it to get me in.
#2. While pursuing my Master’s degree, I planned on getting a new job (also happens to be a new career) while in grad school. My first year I worked hard on networking and building great relationships and my second year I applied for TONS of jobs. Reality was I graduated and still had the same job that I was supposed to have been done with 1 year ago.
#3. As a 21-year-old, I would tell my friends that I wanted to be engaged by the time I was 25, that way I could get married around 26 and have time to spend with my new hubby before even thinking about kids. Reality was that I didn’t even meet the man I would call my hubby until I was 27.
With these examples in mind, what are you holding control of in your life? Are they things you can really control? Or are they things you need to let go and let God handle?
I believe it’s great to have a plan and goals, but control turns into poison quickly when you feel that you try to force others to do things according to your plan. Why? Because A. It’s shouldn’t be about YOUR plan, it should be about God’s plan! and B. YOU can not and should not control others!
Think about how this can be an issue in regards to romantic relationships. Often we force someone to be who we want them to be according to our plan. The reality is that if we try to force someone to be something they are not, it won’t stick for long. Often we are quick to write someone off at the glimpse of actions or characteristics that don’t fit into our plan. The reality is if we quickly dismiss those who seem not to fit into our plan, we could be missing out on someone great!
In all you do, keep in mind that:
1. Baseline plan is to help guide you, then all you can do is go with the flow and adjust as needed.
2. All you can do is work on your skills and keep trying and thinking positive, otherwise you will be frustrated and may feel like a failure.
3. Let go & let God
With time, I’ve accepted the fact that I can only control my diet and exercise (health if you will), my thoughts, my beliefs, and my attitude…the rest I pray about and try not to obsess over. Is it easy? NO, it goes against my personality….but I have to do it or I’d be sick over it.
With that, remember
“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” – Brian Tracy
